It’s been almost 3 weeks since I returned to Germany from 3 months of root-searching in China & Taiwan.
3 months of nervous system overload, tons of food, family, reunions, childhood memories resurfacing, discovering new details about family history, speaking Mandarin – my first language, praying to my deceased grandparents, trying to slow down and process, many new experiences coming in that makes processing impossible, tears, new friendships, sense of belonging, sense of home, healing, pure adventure, emotions, existential crisis, freedom, laughter and many life-altering experiences.
I did my best to post somewhat regularly during that time on this blog and kept daily notes to help me remember in the future.
It will take time to unpack this journey of a lifetime.
A journey that gave me answers I’d longed to know my whole life.
And answers to questions that I didn’t even know I had.
Answers that catapulted me into new inner dimensions of what home, belonging & identity really mean.
unpacking
In the first days upon arrival, I was in a dreamy, transitional state.
Part of me was still blown away that this trip that I had dreamed about for so long had actually happened.
Another part of me knew that every decision I make from now on will be based on the newfound confidence and sense of wholeness I discovered there.
Something in me changed forever.
Or better said: something in me was reawakened – a force so strong that would be impossible to forget.
Truth is with many life-altering experiences: unfortunately they are forgotten quickly if not integrated or kept alive.
However, this deep immersion into my culture that felt both like home and so foreign at the same time – it left its imprints.
I didn’t know where to start unpacking.
Physically.
Emotionally.
Spiritually.
I left my suitcase open for days, unable to bear the thought of closing this chapter (for now).
When I finally sorted through the last piece of travel item, I felt empty.
I finally found another piece of home in China & Taiwan and all I wanted was to find a quick solution to go back to Asia and start a life in an environment where people looked like me and speak my first language.
At the same time, I knew that I had to process and rearrange my impressions from a distance.
I had already promised myself a 2-month content creation container, where I would let my inner child make a beautiful tapestry of creations – have the courage to post it all across social media.
Another lifelong dream coming true.
collections of memories
After sleeping through more days of jetlags and disorientation, one day I gathered the strength to spread my collection of tickets, notes & cards across the table and began a little travel collage.
I have so many memories and emotions stored in both anolog and digital form.
Unpacking all the inner treasures & insights obtained from this journey will be my next project.
The thought alone of going through them all gives me simultaneously headache and excitement.
I’ve already shared stories with my parents and friends about my trip and each time I added new nuances & insights.
No amount of words will ever fully capture those 3 months.
It feels akin to coming back from an Ayahuasca ceremony and trying to put the experience into words.
what I can say so far
As an immigrant child, this trip made me whole.
- I understood the effect that our environments have on us.
- I enjoyed living out my Asianness (screaming in public, bargaining, taking cute pictures) to the fullest without shame.
- I learned that I do have roots in this world and a rich ancestral history.
- I accepted parts of me that I once felt ashamed of.
- I felt proud of my many Western characteristics that stood out in the non-Western environment.
As a spiritual seeker, this trip showed me more of the paradox of existence.
‘Who am I’ has been the question I was asking myself my whole life.
Now, my new experiences opened doors to more answers.
As an artist, the biggest adventure just begins.
At this point, my creative journey feels completely guided.
I jump into the void each day, discovering new ways of creating and expressing myself.
For some reason, I started a Youtube Channel, a new Tiktok, Threads and Instagram account and my intuition is telling me to post an all channels simultaneously.
Tapping into and responding to the unique energies, audiences, and creative styles of each platform.
I’m being challenged to step into my multidimensionality,
and let go of every newfound identity at the same time.
Everchanging.
Everflowing.
Always in communion with the Divine.
