Born in 1996, I still remember a world where we were not constantly plugged to a phone or computer with instant internet access.
I got my first smartphone at age 16. Before that, I called my friends on landline practising what to say if their parents picked up and sent SMS with character limitations (and they were quite expensive! 1 SMS would cost up to 30 cents or something, which makes sending and receiving messages a conscious and deliberate activity).
My parents were restricting the time my brother and me were allowed to use the computer. And although I enjoyed discovering the digital world from a young age (I remember the first youtube videos going viral and TV shows slowly finding their way to streaming platforms), I preferred to spend my time in the library.
The library was my second home.
I was a shy and anxious child. At some point I coped with my social anxiety and depression by immersing myself in fantasy worlds and diving into the minds of other people. In those hours of quiet reading, sometimes several hours per day without taking a break for food, water or toilet, I was finally undisturbed.
I was free. I was free to follow different story lines, explore lives of different protagonists and be whoever I wanted to be.
No one could stop me from dreaming and enter worlds that are infinite in its possibilities.
Later when I started studying, life itself became more interesting and I started to flourish and collect more experiences in the real world.
However, obsessive book reading was quickly replaced by an addictive phase in the digital world with binge-watching youtube videos, TV shows, movies and spending countless hours in reddit forums.
It was around that time that I first discovered personal blogs.
Contrary to all the other forms of media, which can feel like a collective monkey mind going wild, blogs had a different energy:
– The written language invites people to proceed in their individual timing.
– The reader has full control over the speed of the information received and being able to skim through a text gives the opportunity to know if a text is worth it or not.
– The content is mostly more focused and densed.
– It felt like an invitation into someone’s home, made with deliberate care & love, a safe space.
I was especially intrigued by people sharing personal thoughts or glimpses from their everyday life.
Those were real stories from real people that I could relate to.
And especially during my phases of depression, it gave me solace to know that I was not alone.
Words have a deep transmission that hit me just differently.
Nowadays, I’m working on my relationship to the digital world.
Everywhere I go, there seem to be this neurotic, fast energy that we can also observe in the analog world:
Unconscious quick reactions, consumerism, quantity over quality, attention seeking, instant gratification etc.
I’m still on Instagram and I love and hate it at the same time.
Love, because I’m able to connect to friends and I love to share photos and do visual storytelling.
Hate, because people post the same fancy, edited photos over and over again and we’re slaves to the algorithm that condition us to prefer certain content over others. Even though previous bloggers I was following and many new influencers are sharing from a place of authenticity & vulnerability, the energy feels overall so cluttered and overwhelming. It is hard to escape attention seeking traps in forms of commentary section, recommended posts, tons of stories waiting to be seen etc.
Social media is not the space for true relaxation & the nourishing time that I’m seeking.
I think, this is the reason why I started this blog.
To create a little corner for me where I can share & be without all the noise.
Similar to the library, it is quiet here. I’m taking time to wander around, exploring different side of me through various topics and reading archives.
I can sit down with a cup of tea and enter another world that I’m creating with my own imagination.
(one + point to analog libraries, you can drink tea here!)
It is a safe space that I’m creating for myself.
And I can go everywhere in my creations and be whoever I want to be.
The best thing? Through the lack of the instant ‘being seen and getting likes’ I can just move in my own pace.
Who knows, maybe no one will ever read these words.
Regardless of that, it served its purpose:
I slowed down 🙂
And if someone does read this: I hope visiting my little space also brought you some peace & tranquility.
(***note to self: rewrite ending & redefine perspective of article. i went from consumer to creator.)
