The year started with a lot of goodbyes.
First, I needed to let go of a romantic connection that got me intoxicated, but included shadow tendencies for which I didn’t have the capacities to deal with.
I sat with my inner child and hold her afterwards. We healed together over the next weeks. We said goodbye to old wounds of unworthiness, feeling invisible & not valued.
We closed the door on excessive people pleasing, hugged out our fear of losing loved ones and learned to connect to our innate beauty & strength again.
During that grief process, I found solace & peace in spending time creating this blog.
The need to express myself and find a safe space to hold my intense emotions was overwhelming. I surrendered to that life force as it paved its way through my fingers into typing words, through my hands into watercolor art or through my body into delicious movements.
It cut through fears and doubts circling around not being good enough and my tired spirit was more than happy in releasing those mental burdens.
And now this week, I had to say goodbye to some nomad friends.
(I’m leaving to the neighbour island Porto Santo next week and coming back after 3 weeks while some friends will leave for a longer period of time.)
Some I will see again soon.
With others I don’t know when or if we’ll ever cross paths again.
And it made me thinking:
How can it be that sometimes you have to deal with difficult, nasty people for years and then… you meet someone you have an instant heart connection with and you only have 2 weeks with each other?!
(if you’re lucky maybe even a few months)
As a nomad, after a while you’ll get used to the fluctuation between the intensity of getting to know strangers very quickly on a deeper level and at the same time carry the bittersweetness in your heart knowing that it might end sooner than you would wish for.
Which invites you to cherish every.single.moment.
In this mosaic of human encounters, there exist those rare jewels of souls who sneak into your heart.
They open you to parts of yourself that you were not aware of to that extent.
They open you into a love & intimacy that you didn’t think you would be capable to feel.
Through this opening you’ll find endless ecstasy, wonder & freedom.
Each conversation seems like a reunion with an old friend, even though you barely know each other.
And when the time comes,
they leave you with an aching longing
that stays even long after they’re gone.
I actually start to love all the limitations in this human experience.
Endings & deaths give way to more presence & joy.
They push us into surrender of the unknown and make us feel deeply into the sacredness of being alive.
Being able to witness and experience every single moment as a human is sacred.
I’m learning that nothing is supposed to last forever
& we cannot and should not ever force a forever.
Going with the flow they say.
Embrace all the changes.
So who am I to go against the natural currents of life?
What stays is a heart full of love & memories that make me smile.
And that, for me, is a life well lived.
🤍
