I keep coming back to this question quite regularly these days.
When things are not going as planned.
When I feel hurt or betrayed.
Rejected by someone I care about.
When there is too much anger that rushes through my body
Making me blind to see anything else, but pain
When I start to create little battle or defence plans
Strategising what to say when and how to act
So that I never will experience this hurt again
When I feel my heart tensed, closed with steel strong armour
Leaving not the slightest gap of hole
Any chance that something from the outside could get through
When I feel my face harden
Thoughts running wild
Breath shallow
Body in escape mode
I stop
and am aware that this is not love
This is not how I want to live
I want to be soft
Dancing, whirling and flowing through life with grace
I want to surrender deeply
Letting go of control and melting in your arms
Well, at least this is my intention
For today
And sometimes, I tell myself
Forgive me, Love
I can’t today
But I will return again
Tomorrow
